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January 10, 2018 Excerpt

Updated: Jul 15, 2022

She sat down on her bed. The one that had no frame. But she did not mind. She had bigger fish to fry. "I will get one in time" she always told herself.

She was alone in her small apartment, big enough for only herself and her dog Todd. He was the only rhino she cared for most. Silly! Some may think. What about her family or friends? Her dog's loyalty had never failed her, and all her trust she laid on him. To be by her side, to be there when she returned home from work.

She began to write in her journal. It was her way to talk to herself in private and express her inner thoughts and feelings. As she wrote she listened to the wind howling loudly outside her window. And then she her family must miss her..she came out into the world alone. Not many do. But she constantly reminded herself that her spirit yearned to be free, yearned to be on her own. But yet she wondered.. is alone all she will ever be?

She sees her siblings and high school friends starting beautiful families and meeting the love of their lives. And her... she is continually invited out or spoken to by guys that don't have good intentions or those that try to make up from their past with her. She wonders... she has been wondering since she was a young girl. Will I ever marry? Have children? And she has to remind herself , the time will come. And if it doesn't.. then it wasn't meant for her.

But she wanted other things more than children or being in a relationship. She yearned to be an author. She had published a book, but she had no money to finish paying for it. She is sad and disappointed but she knows the book will go on market when the time is right.

She never thought she would be in her own apartment but somehow with her wits and high spirits she stumbled upon crown point. A small town with decent people. And it was like a little fantasy in her head. It felt unreal but yet there she was in the flesh. Will she make it out there on her own? She knows that's what her parents thoughts and worries. And yet...she had the same thoughts and worries. Then she realized "the only way to find out is to keep living, trying to be smart and do what I need to do. And true to have integrity and not put myself down."

She believed in herself even if no one else did. And she finished writing in her journal. Put it away in her 1st dresser drawer. Got under the covers and laid down. And as she laid in the presence of her own ambience and don't forget her dogs, she couldn't help but smile,

"This is my life."

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