I have been really struggling lately.
Sometimes I just feel like what is the point in all this?
Paying bills, waking up every day, having to eat, pointless arguing, interacting with people I do not want to interact with, scrolling social media, etc
And somewhere in the cosmos, galaxies, universes, time is moving at a lightning speed, and here we are on this little rock, or maybe it is not even a rock, what if we are on a mothership.
After learning about spirituality, I could never be religious again. I could never sit down in a church and not be able to see through the bullshit, to nearly read people's minds, see who they truly are inside. See them for their soul and not who they portray to be on the outside.
I think that is why I feel like I am going crazy. I do not want to think that about myself though. What if I am actually just seeing through the illusion of this matrix?
It is not easy seeing through the illusion! It is actually very depressing. It enrages me a lot of the time. It sickens me too. It disappoints me. It even scares me.
It is getting to the point where I can not even speak the way I want. Something is hindering me from speaking my truth. Some force out there, call it what you want, is trying to silence me. Is trying to put in these beliefs in my mind that I am losing my sense of mind. They will use whatever tactics are necessary. One of them being using the toxic people in my life to trigger me.
There are people in my life I am trying to get away from. I have been trying to get away from them for years. Maybe I give them too much power. I belittle myself for them. I can see now that people are jealous of me. Not this avatar I chose to be in, or the things my avatar chooses to wear or do, but my LIGHT.
No matter what happens to me. The darkest of times. The burn of jealousy. The wrath of hate. The belittling. My demons trying to drag me back to the old me. Who I am meant to be here on this Earth, I will be. Nothing can dim my light. Nothing can stop me from becoming who I was meant to be.
The truth is, I will never stop fighting off evil... until the day my mission is complete here.
I love to write for a reason. I am leaving my mark on this world. I am leaving proof of my existence. For all those it will be meant to help, my children, and to fulfill my purpose.
Keep going...sometimes trusting the universe is like walking through a dark tunnel. The only way out is to keep going.
The thing about trusting the universe, is things are not going to always go the way we want, but the universe has a way of bringing about miracles. Can you withstand the storm? I have and I will.
I want peace. I want freedom. I want to embody love. I want to inspire people. I want to find true happiness within. I want to be in a constant state of gratitude. I want change. I welcome change.
This system... this matrix... has my head all up in a jumble. I want the truth to be known, I want everyone to know. WE DESERVE TRUE FREEDOM. CLEAN WATER. REAL FOOD THAT GROWS FROM THE GROUND UNTOUCHED. NO WAR. NO LIES. NO KILLING. NO HARMED CHILDREN. NO TRAUMA.
THAT IS WHY LIFE CAN FEEL POINTLESS TO ME, IF WE DO NOT HAVE THOSE THINGS, THIS LIFE DOES NOT FEEL WORTH LIVING.
BUT I MUST STAY. I DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE WHEN I LEAVE THIS PHYSICAL BODY. I WILL LEAVE WHEN MY PURPOSE HAS BEEN SERVED. 🙏🏼